My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
