I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
