On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
