jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
