We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
