Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
