An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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