help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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