i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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