yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
