we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
