a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
