and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
