I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
