my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
