I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
