I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
