I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
porn star boner night. come get it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
