I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
