with your own penis?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
organizing the empties. That sober.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
