I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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