Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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