i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
