I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
