it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She bit a glass in half.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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