He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
