I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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