maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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