Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
