Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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