Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
