I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
