Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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