My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
