Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
