Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Randomize
