What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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