i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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