Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
