then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Someone shit on the floor
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
