Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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