I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
