you didnt know i had herpes?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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