I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
