Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
