Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We had sex on a dog bed..
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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