Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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