just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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