I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
