so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
